Obligation, Permission, and Ownership of Choices

I am down to the wire before I leave for my residency and I am thinking about the title of this blog. We are also rounding the turn on November and the end of the year and I have a lot on my mind. Bear with me while I work all of this out.

Obligation: the action of obligating oneself to a course of action (as by a promise or vow). Sometimes obligations come without a clear statement. They are implied or “understood” and can surprise you when you least expect it. Obligations can come out of a situation when you let someone give you “permission”.

Permission: the act of permitting or formal consent : authorization. Does that mean that Permission is a noun? Yes it is. That means it is something that can be given and also taken away. It is also something that you can give yourself. Hang on, that means you can take that permission that you let someone give you; away from their ownership. Which leads us to:

Ownership of Choices: When you decide that you no longer want someone else to dictate your life decisions. This is when you decide what is permitted to be an obligation. It is your choice, but when you choose; you are also now obligated to deal with the consequences of that choice. Trust me, the consequences will catch up with you sooner or later. If they don’t catch up with you, they might be visited on your children, or on the monuments you have left behind (see all of the statues that have been relocated or destroyed over the years).

As we live our lives we start to learn the freedom and the expense of owning obligation, permission and accepting the ownership of our choices. These are heady concepts because ultimately, we can sit back and be passive observers to life. When we do that, without taking part in obligation or permission; many of us choose to become victims. Are we? If we don’t take part, don’t we end up responsible for the choices we didn’t make? It gets confusing. It is a good thing we don’t get to take ownership of all of our choices until we are older.

I get to go on this residency because I chose to apply for it, my friends and my family are helping me without obligations and supporting me to do so. My husband has made it clear I never needed any permission from him and in fact has told me that the idea I would look for it would be wrong. He thinks the idea would hold me back from moving forward in my career. I am so incredibly thankful for all of you. Many of you have chosen to support me in so many amazing ways and each thing you have done is so incredibly helpful. You have no idea how much difference you have made. I am Obliged to all of you; to do my best. Thank you.