Getting to know you, and saying goodbye.
My neighbor died yesterday. I guess I can go ahead and empty the flower bed along the fence now.
We moved into our house in May of 2022 and I did what I do, going around meeting everyone. She was a sweet lady with an amazing backyard. If her family sells the house, it will go fast just because of the back. She has 2 cats and a sweet small dog, with a devoted family that visits her a lot. I ended up being the backup call for her family, rarely used but always willing. My husband and I met them slowly over the first year and we were always greeted with, “I’ve heard a lot about you.” We shared meals with her, traded Christmas greetings and a few gifts.
When we decided to empty the flower bed between us, she objected. I promised to leave the irises for her enjoyment. That was this past summer, I don’t need to worry about that anymore. She traded plants with the former owner of our house and one of them was lemon balm. A pernicious mint variety that spreads like the measles and chokes out peonies and other more desirable perennials. It is good for a lot of other things, but I transferred hers into pots so it would stop encroaching and was working on pulling it out of my bed.
As the months went by, I got busier and busier and soon I wasn’t there as often. She started calling me, “I hate to bother you.” was her greeting. I would assure her that she was in no way a bother and encouraged her to call. I made an effort to go over again and again, and was glad I did.
I was there less than 2 weeks ago when she said she had a bladder infection, that was then properly diagnosed as lesions on several organs. A PET scan painfully declared the truth, cancer that had metastasized throughout her lymph system. I stopped by again day before yesterday with a cinnamon roll. Not that I thought she would eat it all, I knew she wouldn’t. It was about letting her have something frivolous, bringing her a bit of fun and joy. She was in so much pain and I was told that Hospice was coming in the following day. They missed her by hours.
A lovely woman, she shepherded children in a catholic school by working in the office. Those of us who have had young children know of which I speak. Karen in the front office was the one we knew as parents. My Aunt was one a long time ago as well. Such a simple title for an amazing resource. They know each child, are aware of the home and the parents; which child needs coats and school supplies and quietly make sure that they get them. That was my neighbor, she worried over everyone. You are in his arms now, at peace. Our lives are less without you but you are better now where you are. Thank you for letting me in your front door.
Why does all of this matter? I was speaking with an artist today about how solitary our profession can be and that being social can be an effort. Interacting with people, being a part of the human experience; can recharge our creative batteries. It is something that all people need but as artists, we must not ignore it. My neighbor was a beautiful soul and someday, I hope to capture a part of her in my work. She deserves to be honored that way, as do all of the people who let me into their lives.