Asking for Help and Trusting it Aren’t Always the Same Thing.
My husband is nearing the end of his time when he punches a clock, (Don’t worry Darren, we are counting years not months) and one of his retirement goals is to help me on the road. He is actually very excited about it and is jumping into helping me pack the car more often and doing the set up and tear down at shows that he can make it to. Sometimes, I go out to pack the truck without mentioning it to him because it is his work week and he has already put in a full day. This last time, I was starting to load the rig when he came out to give me a hand. He has been doing this often enough now, that I only mention a few things that are needed and have started to rely on his help.
It is that awkward part of things where I am relying on him and no longer riding herd on everything he is doing. Consequently; when I arrived at the artshow this week, I thought I had forgotten to pack my lights because I didn’t actually do the physical loading of them. I hadn’t really started to unpack the truck yet and there I was trying to problem solve before I had even set anything up. Here is the part that matters; the lights were in the truck. My husband had loaded them and at that time I was trusting him to do so, it wasn’t until I arrived at the show that I realized I really didn’t “trust” his help yet. Don’t I feel like a judgemental fool?
When you spend a majority of your career being someone’s right hand man and become a one man show of your own, you tend to subconsciously rely only on yourself. It isn’t that people aren’t smart enough to learn to do the job. It isn’t that they don’t care about your equipment or your art, you just have a hard time trusting. You have paid for all of the equipment and made your art with blood sweat and tears. You are on a shoe string budget and if something breaks, you have to figure out in that moment how to pivot to either make do or finance the replacement if you can find a replacement in the moment. It is one thing to be upset with a hire but when it is a friend or (gasp) a spouse?
The biggest conundrum of doing shows is aging, you will not be able to do this all on your own forever and sooner or later you have to learn to rely on someone or quit all together. The best bet is to get your mind wrapped around the idea now so that you will be better prepared when you do need to bring someone on board. Pat is willing and we have been married for long enough that I know how valuable he is to me. I have learned how to ask and talk with kindness and consideration now so that he doesn’t get impatient with the person he is trying to help. I have learned a valuable lesson this week as well, I really have to start trusting that he has learned a lot and knows what he is doing. What ever happens from here on out, I hope he knows how much I truly appreciate everything he has ever done for me over the years. I wouldn’t be doing this now, if he hadn’t been so willing when we got together then.